What is sexy...to you?

Last week I mentioned that “sexiness” is more than what Victoria Secret would have you believe. I argued that things like cheerfulness, availability and humor can go a lot further when trying to set the mood and get it on with your spouse. However, appearances really do matter and it would be a shame if we all decided to stop making ourselves look attractive (whatever that might be). Everyone has a personal style and it’s important to both know your own and that of your husband.

For example, maybe your husband doesn’t care much for lacy garters and a room full of candles, but he loses his mind when you step out of the bedroom in a tight gray t-shirt. Or perhaps he appreciates your whispered sweet-nothings, but gets frustrated when you make jokes during sex.

And don’t forget yourself. Sometimes I wonder if lingerie isn’t more important for women than it is for men; putting on a gorgeous dress made of lace and silk can be just the thing for getting in the mood! And maybe you don’t care if your husband goes to the gym everyday, as long as he’s clean and smells good when he slips into bed with you at night.

In fact, it’s kind of fun to find the quirky and personal things that your spouse finds sexual. Logan knows that I really like hair accessories…on men. I heard one woman wax eloquent on her husband’s very hairy chest. A man I know asked his wife to never wear brown. All of these things actually have very little real value when it comes to finding your spouse attractive, but like sprinkles on a cake, they can add a fun element once you have the foundation in place.

With all that said, I’d like to make one very important observation. One man I know often tells his wife, “You’re my type. And if you ever change, then so will my type.” This is a really healthy way to understand attraction and harness your own sexuality for good. He’s saying that he doesn’t think of any woman besides his wife as being “his type." And he’s also telling his wife that he will always foster attraction for her, even if her body or hair or personality change.

So know your personal style, find out what’s attractive to your husband, but always submit that to the good of your marriage.

P.S. For those of you who aren’t married, we’ll talk about your sexual feelings and what to do with them next week! :)

(Photo by Archer Messenger)